Paula Deen and Me

Paula Deen,
I hope you are having a great day. Do you have special days that were important to you? Was there something going on in the world that helps you remember those things. Author and Television Personality, Paula Deen, has been raked over the coals this past week. I put my feelings on Facebook and you need to see the response. I don't think anyone has ever responded to anything I have written like they have this. I just cannot respond to this today but will in the very near future. Thought you should see this. As a Boomer, it is that same old story, no one knows what to do. My response at this time is: "If you have a choice, choose kindness." Below is what I wrote and the response to it:

Barbara Duke

Saturday at 9:34am near Newport News ·

Roy Stockdill, Roxanne Jones Mays, Julie Scarlett and 11 others like this.

Daniel Mordue What she did as far as diabetes goes is peanuts compared to the trouble she's in for having said a bad word, a racial slur that she said a LONG LONG time ago and no longer uses. She is still a good woman and does NOT deserve to be raked over the coals for this,

TY Baker · Friends with Bridget Heckman and 1 other

Barbara Duke I'm disappointed that you condone it because "it was a part of everyday language". I don't believe for a second that everyone used it at some point but then maybe I have more faith in people's character than you do. So, according to you she used the word along time ago so it doesn't matter now. What's the statute of limitations on racism? You seem to skim over the fact that it's not just she used the word, it was an integral part of who she is, her management staff and their business practices. So she continued to condone the people she hired, her brother and others use of the word and verbal, sexual and physical violence in the workplace. But, should that get a pass too? She told the truth because she was under oath, when the allegations were first made a year ago her people denied them...they lied. Read the deposition before you defend someone over hearsay who isn't worthy of being defended. Yes, we all make mistakes this is not a mistake it is a systematic part of her character or lack thereof. I can assure you the Food Network isn't worried if you cancel because they stand on principles that are foreign too Paula Deen and people who want to chalk it up to a "mistake". Or my favorite of your reasoning it was "Who in the South didn't use the word at some time"...For the record I'm AA, from the South and I loved Paula Deen watched her show every Saturday like clockwork. She repeatedly condoned the management team she hired sexual, verbal and physical in addition to racial on her employees for years. You should really do better Barbara!

Stephen Dimmick Thank you

Renee Miller I am not AA or from the south and I am appalled that people still think this way. When I hear people say things that Barbara duke has shared here I am embarrassed for them as a fellow human being. I absolute HATE that word. It is so denigrating and debasing to human beings and shows nothing but ignorance by the person who chooses to use it. It objectifies human beings and is disgusting.  

I have heard people say that "white" women from the south are gracious yet I have met a few who will smile sweetly in your face and then stab you in the gut with their stiletto. I think Barbara Duke may be one of those. Her comments were so reflective of such a person. 

Thankfully I have also met those southern "white folks" who are authentically very gracious and would never dream of using that word because they value human beings regardless of race, color, or time period within which they grew up in the south. 

Because of that I don't place the stereotype of people like Barbara Duke and Paula Deen on all white southerners. Women like these get to be in a group all their own

.

Renee Miller Disgraceful. Mean. Ignorant. A bad witness to Christians to use scripture to make your point. Shame on you Barbara. I am pretty sure the Jesus Christ would not want you to use his words in this way. Just saying...

TY Baker · Friends with Bridget Heckman and 1 other

Thank you Renee Miller well said!

Ellen J. Harris Here's to Barbara for having the fortitude and guts to talk about life in these United States pre year 2000. And let me remind Barbara's detractors, the word is used with abandon here in the State of New York.
What is described is not only the way it was but the way it STILL is.... This is all about shakedown of someone successful being held to account for a past that everyone participated

Ellen J. Harris In, and still enjoy in private. It's not about the word, it's about hypocrisy. If the feeling is so strong, it's time to dig up dead relatives, prosecute them and their descendants. But this is hypocrisy based on dollars. Let's call this song exactly what it is.

Yvonne McGee McCoy Barbara, looks like you have a lot of Facebook "friends" who are without sin. You are a wonderful lady and don't deserve this. I don't know Paula Deen as well as I know you but I'm glad she was honest and sorry for the past. All of us have sinned but all can be forgiven if they accept the blood of Jesus Christ and proclaim Him Lord and Savior.

Ellen J. Harris Amen, Amen, Yvonne. Ditto.

Dana Ann Evans Many otherwise good people

Dana Ann Evans in my life have dropped that bomb and honestly it makes me disappointed but we all have sinned in some way. I won't throw any stones.

Percy Lipinski · Friends with Don Dobbie and 42 others

I think that Black people are strong enough to handle that slur just as most white people are strong enough to handle "honky" or whatever!

Donna Sadler Holt I personally do not like the word & would not say it. Having said that I think we are getting too politically correct & unforgiving. When people are punished for telling the truth & being honest, it creates a atmosphere of deceit & dishonesty. .

Roxanne Jones Mays The n word can be a white person also if you look the word up in the dictionary it actually means trash. I enjoyed reading your post Barbara if they something to Paula Deen over this then they need to go after any singer or actor that uses the word in his or her lyrics or movies doesn't matter if they are white, African American, or Hispanic race, creed, or color has nothing to do with that word it is a matter of hearing it used in the wrong way.

Cindy Lee Burns I like Cracker myself. LOL She is a celebrity and unfortunately there is always someone waiting to pounce on a law suit. I can't believe they are putting her through the ringer.

Cindy Lee Burns I love you Barbie.

Patricia Haddock Age is no excuse. Derogatory, demeaning and insulting comments and slurs are wrong.

Cindy Lee Burns Hahaha. Barbara Duke BASHING. Really people? Get a life. She probably reaches out to more people than most Americans, no matter what color their skin is. I appreciate her starting a great topic and not being a pansy. And no she would not condone this behavior under any circumstance because she has faced similar treatment as well. I will let her tell her own story ; If she should choose to do so.

Cindy Lee Burns By the way Renee Miller. Barbara probably does not own stilettos, and she has the right to quote scripture anyway she wants. I'm sure she will appreciate your feedback, although the message sounds judgmental and hateful.

Cindy Lee Burns As far as women stabbing one another in the back, I think that is universal. Sounds like someone as a grudge against southern women. Wait, let me take my stiletto off.

Robert Akeroyd If Paula Dean is found in the court case to condone racial discrimination by people she employs or has done then she certainly deserves to lose her contract with foodnetwork and face reasonable legal penalties. For using the N word herself she has a large public profile, however I think it would lack integrity to treat those who are in the media differently from those who are not. I think however we treat people in the media sets an example for how to treat people in private. I think racial discrimination, should not be tolerated, when we blame a person we put them on the defensive so that their more likely to become entrenched in their point of view. If we listen to a person first then it makes it easier for them to sincerely examine their attitude and within themselves come to a new position on what's appropriate. That's far better than an externally imposed agreement with the person feeling judged misunderstood fearful but without a wholehearted realization that their attitude was wrong.

Cindy Lee Burns I agree with Robert Akeroyd. Well said Robert.

Robert Akeroyd  Stephen Covey's principle "Seek first to understand and then be understood". Dale Carnegie "A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still." Finally I think whilst it's important, to for people to understand racism will not be tolerated, it's also important for us to both forgive and find value within a person, both for ourselves, if we can forgive and value others it's easier to do it for ourselves. It's also important for the other person as long as that person feels judged their far less likely to change, their more they feel valued, the more freedom they have to explore an issue an in their own time and space adopt a new attitude.

Robert Akeroyd Thanks Cindy myself as an Australian, in this instance you Americans are a lot better of than us, the man who is likely to be our next Prime Minister is condoned for talking about towing Asylum seeker boats back. He will be the second Australian prime minister to make me feel ashamed to be Australian. A popular radio shock jock said our current Prime Minister father died of shame due to her actions and got enormous support for his actions. The way we lock Asylum seekers up in Detention Centers for years and call them illegal is disgusting. Relative to the issues we have in Australia Paula Dean's use of the N word is minor condoning racial discrimination in the work place far more serious than the use of the N word.

Cindy Lee Burns I don't know much about Australia, as I find it hard enough to keep up with what is going on here. Not that I'm numb to your situation. I appreciate your input. Have a beautiful day. Big love, Cindy in Texas.

Susan Newton Watching "LINCOLN" right now - the use of the N word is said. I was shocked at first, then realized it is part of the American history, be it a dark part. We've all done, said and experienced shameful acts which we want to take back. All I can do for my own life is make amends, ask for forgiveness and do my best not to repeat mistakes. When we forgive ourselves, we forgive others. Funny how that works.

Robert Akeroyd Hi Cindy I have the same difficulty with America and every other country, although I found this thread really insightful as an example of an issue America is still dealing with. America has come a long way electing an African American president. Australia has not had a non-white Prime Minister yet or perhaps even State Premier, we have had plenty of women Premiers and have a female Prime Minister. A minor part of her in my opinion our Prime Minister undeserved unpopularity may be due to the fact she is a woman.

Robert Akeroyd Cindy (((((((((((((((((Hugs back))))))))))))))))

Maureen Shields Jacobs I cannot believe that anyone in the world hasn't used one racial slur at one time or another in their entire lifetime. People have been making "dumb blonde" jokes for years. Calling Irish folks drunks, Greek men and Italian men have been known to be "womanizers" and folks from the country are referred to as "rednecks." Do these generalities ring true? No. Have we evolved? Yes. We also used to drink and drive, smoke and drink while pregnant, work on job sites without hard hats and harnesses. Like other things, humanity evolves. Are you going to punish the great granddaughter of a slave owner just because her great grandparents owned a slave? No. Ms. Deen was honest and professed to using a racial slur during a time when we were ignorant as a country. Perhaps the powers that be need to look inwards to see how many generalities, rude terms, or even labels they have said. They may not like what they see

Robert Akeroyd Most of us at some time or point based upon physical features of another have an unconscious emotional response where we feel better than others, I know I do. We then have a choice, to be aware of it and choose to respond with warmth and respect, regardless of our reaction or attempt to justify and rationalize it. The problem arises when we attempt to justify and rationalize our prejudice. If we choose not to, our challenge is see the similarity, between ourselves and those who do and choose to also value those who do. Otherwise we are choosing a different type of prejudice and through place blame entrenching the problem.

Robert Akeroyd Love your thoughts Maureen.

Maureen Shields Jacobs I realize that, but if you are brought up in a culture that allows certain things, wrong or right, you cannot tell me that at least part of it is "commonplace" in your mind. As a Yankee living in the south, I see a huge difference in the behavior of folks between the two. The wounds are much fresher down south, the people much more sensitive, and I see much more intolerance. That being said, I also find that those folks on all sides of the fence pay no mind to it as well. To me, I think everyone is equal. Race, creed, sexual orientation, whatever. I think that the south has been slower to heal. I think the folks who use slurs loosely don't care, those who were brought up with them are learning, and those who may have used them in the past, realize the error of their ways. But to base an entire future of someone on one word or phrase said years ago does not seem kosher. But, I am also a very different person today than 20 years ago. We evolve, mature, learn, understand, and become. Perhaps Ms. Deen has become!

Robert Akeroyd It is the same with American Republican, Democrats, Australian Labor, Liberal, Christian, Atheist, do we choose to focus on our differences or commonalities? One divides us, the other unites us.

TY Baker · Friends with Bridget Heckman and 1 other

I think everyone is missing the bigger picture MSM focused on the racial aspect. It is a small drop in the bucket compared to the verbal, sexual and physical harassment that was going on. So, is it now acceptable to be continually sexually harassed by your boss and ignored no many how many times you complained? Is it acceptable to have pornography at work on computers that can be accessed by others and sent to you in emails. This isn't just people being politically incorrect this is wrong on many levels. So, please if you take away what the media is focused on and review the other aspects of the harassment you will see it is at the very least unacceptable. Why is Paula Deen responsible for the actions of others? Simple they work for her under her corporation. She was well aware of the harassment, but did nothing it wasn't only her brother it was the management team she kept in place knowing what was going on. I don't know about anyone else but if it was anyone relative or not I would not put up with any kind of harassment of my employees or people in general. No one deserves to be treated this way, she admitted this woman could do the job better than the men in her organization. But, refused to promote her because the men wouldn't listen to a woman telling them what to do. Is this 1913 or 2013?

Maureen Shields Jacobs I agree that the MSM did draw attention to the wrong issue. Furthermore, without the evidence and a seat on the jury, I cannot make an assumption on the case. My point was only directed to the "slur."

Robert Akeroyd Thanks TY it sounds like a serious case that requires action, thank you for expanding on the issue, living in Australia, those details did not appear in the article I read online.

Donna Sadler Holt I don't understand this. I have heard black people call each other the N word & that seems to be all right. However, if a white person does it its offensive. Can someone explain the difference? If I word is considered offensive, it should be in all situations. You should not be able to pick & choose the circumstances.

Maureen Shields Jacobs My husband has been called a cracker numerous times....but that is ok...right?

Robert Akeroyd Donna if you tell a joke at your own expense you will not be offended because you’re the person who told it. If someone tells the same joke at your expense you may be offended.

Please feel free to leave comments. For or against. #BoomerMom